英文作文文章參考-中高級－Monica-caの生活543

題目：Name several important personality traits, attitudes, or habits that are considered to be helpful in order to get along well with other people. Support your ideas with examples.
　

評語：	此篇作文為四級分，全文之文法、字彙及句構皆掌握良好，堪稱佳作。文分三段：分別為引言、舉例說明及結語，段落分明，組織良好。文法及詞彙使用雖仍有些許錯誤，但並不影響讀者之理解。

剖析：

      It is important to get along with other people in a society or community. But it seems not so easy to get along "well" with other people especially because everyone has so many differences in personality, attitudes and habits. Here are some examples
                   註解1
which would be helpful to build up better relationship with other people.
            註解2

     I remember my supervisor who used to teach me educational psychology and she
                                                                  註解3
always kept big smile and did everything positively, everyone seemed to like her. Once she told me that a big smile could break any fences between people's hearts.
                                                                                註解4
She seldom had argument with others and was like a friend by your side. Also she
                                     註解5
never treated people emotionally even if they hurt her feeling, instead, she helped
                               註解6
them to feel better.

    I think a person who is helpful and broad-minded can always get along well with
                                註解7
other people. Besides, never feel embarrassed to give your friends a big smile even if
                                         註解8
they are under the mood.

註解1：	本句整體來說句法結構良好，但劃線部分未能正確表達作者認為人皆不同的想法，改為"they differ so much in personality, attitudes and habit."較貼切。
註解2：	作者之意應為藉舉例來說明如何建立人際關係，故應改為"Here are some examples which show how to build up better relationships with other people."。 relationships應為複數。
註解3：	作者於本段的舉例說明相當簡潔、生動。但劃線的部分連接的兩個概念，應該分開成為獨立的兩個句子。一為作者憶起教過她教育心理學的老師，另一為描述老師的言行為何受到大家的喜愛。同時"big smile"應改為"a big smile"並加上"on her face"；同句之"did everything positively"未能正確表達作者對老師的態度的看法，宜改為"did everything with a positive attitude"。由於she always kept a big smile on her face and did everything with a positive attitude等原因，大家都喜歡她，因此在everyone seemed to like her前應加上so以表示因果關係。
註解4：	應改為break down。 fences存在於人與人之間，故people's hearts宜改為people。
註解5：	arguments應為複數形，然而此部份較自然的說法為she seldom argued with others...。此處代名詞有誤，應改為like a friend to them以對應前面的others。
註解6：	"she never treated people emotionally"應改為"she never reacted emotionally to people"；feelings應為複數形且之後應使用分號以區分這兩個獨立的子句。轉折詞instead用得很好。
註解7：	本句包含一個以who引導的關係子句，全句文法結構正確，詞彙使用適當，如helpful，broad-minded等。
註解8：	此句隱藏的主詞為you，但前一句話作者指的是一般人(a person who...can always...)，因此本句的主詞非you而應改為one，同理，其後之your應改為one's。 Under the mood應改為in a bad mood才正確。
此篇作文修訂後如下文：

　It is important to get along with other people in a society or community. But it seems not so easy to get along "well" with other people especially because they differ so much in personality, attitudes and habits. Here are some examples which show how to build up better relationships with other people.

I remember my supervisor who used to teach me educational psychology. She always kept a big smile on her face and did everything with a positive attitude, so everyone seemed to like her. Once she told me that a big smile could break down any fences between people. She seldom argued with others and was like a friend to them. Also she never reacted emotionally to people even if they hurt her feelings; instead, she helped them to feel better.

I think a person who is helpful and broad-minded can always get along well with other people. Besides, one should never feel embarrassed to give one’s friends a big smile even if they are in a bad mood.